For Those Who Feel Forgotten

    Today I was scrolling through posts on facebook and as usual about half were about missionaries receiving their calls or leaving to the MTC. Nothing new.  Now days, I find that I average five invitations to different farewells each Sunday.  Since the age change from 19 to 18 for men and from 21 to 19 for women, it has become common for me to see several posts about the excitement of receiving and accepting calls to serve as missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  It also became common to ask "by raise of hand... how many are return missionaries, how many are filling out mission papers or how many have received their mission calls?" during different church functions. 
    Just as everyone else, I was and continue to be excited. I know that this age change was inspired by God.  I am excited to see the progression of the church as there are more than 70,000 missionaries out right now.  But throughout all the excitement about missionaries, there are a few of us that seem to have been forgotten.  This is my story.  For many who do not quite understand the frustrations that come those in my same situation, this may seem a small trial. But just as any other trial, for those of us enduring, the hardest part is that it continues.
    I have always had the desire to be a missionary, keeping in mind that being a mother would be the higher priority, but not rushing the process (for me, and the rest of the world outside of Utah, between ages 19 and 24, you are still super young. I take off the super at age 25. So no need to rush to get married.  Trust in the Lord's timing, it works better that way). When the age change was announced I was so excited. But there had been a feeling that had begun to settle within me a few weeks before the announcement that decided to present itself more clearly with the announcement.  Before the announcement was made, several girls I know felt that they needed to prepare to leave, like they were going to go somewhere else, but they couldn't find out where.  As they struggled to figure things out, and prayed, read, and pondered, when the announcement came it was a clear answer to their prayers.  For me, I had the opposite feeling.  Before the announcement I had begun to have to feeling that I was not going to go on a mission.  I thought it was weird because I figured that I wouldn't need to decide for another few months if I wanted to go when I was 21.  Then the announcement came.  For a brief moment I thought, just maybe I was mistaken. But God was kind and quickly told me in my heart that he had another plan for me, that I would need to begin figuring out. 
     I was confused and honestly a little frustrated for a while.  With the age change, there came new challenges that I did not expect.  Before the change, girls that went on missions were often said to "only going because they couldn't get themselves married" or in other words "there must be something wrong with them" (not that this was said or believed by all, I am simply pointing out the negative comments spoken by some). With the age change I began hearing thing like "there's no reason for girls not to go on missions now," and specifically from immature guys "I am only going to marry a girl who is a return missionary." I felt as though it was becoming a popular trend to go on a mission and worried that girls would be pressure to go for the wrong reasons. I myself felt the pressure, and wasn't sure how to deal with it.  It was no longer an option for some people, it was an expectation.  That is not how things are supposed to be when talking about missions.  The new favorite question was "are you going on a mission?" then I would answer "no." They would then proceed to ask why.  Really was that any of their business? At first I didn't know what to say. But after a few awkward answers, I figured honesty was my best option.  So when they asked why, after I said no, I replied "because God told me no." They would then look surprised, and I would then continue after a slight pause with "He has a different plan for me, and I intend to figure out what it is."  People seemed so confused that I would receive a no, when it seemed everyone else was receiving yeses.  Those who felt comfortable enough to continue the conversation would then follow with "So are you dating anyone?" again the answer was "no." They would then imply or bet that I would be soon, and every time I would wish I could say really? as if I have to be dating someone to not go on a mission. Just because I am not going on a mission does not mean I will or should be getting married within the next few months, six months or even 18 months. I may not even meet my Mr. Right for another few years. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with me if I'm not dating, married, or going on a mission. I simply got a different answer than what everyone else seems to be getting. It doesn't mean mine is wrong.  But I never did. They meant well, but with the emphasis from everyone on missions, it began to seem that I was worthless unless I was going on a mission or getting married.  So the frustration built just enough for me to begin seeking my own answers to my prayers.
      I began by going back a looking at the announcement by President Thomas S. Monson again.

I am pleased to announce that effective immediately all worthy and able young men who have graduated from high school or its equivalent, regardless of where they live, will have the option of being recommended for missionary service beginning at the age of 18, instead of age 19. I am not suggesting that all young men will—or should—serve at this earlier age. Rather, based on individual circumstances as well as upon a determination by priesthood leaders, this option is now available.

As we have prayerfully pondered the age at which young men may begin their missionary service, we have also given consideration to the age at which a young woman might serve. Today I am pleased to announce that able, worthy young women who have the desire to serve may be recommended for missionary service beginning at age 19, instead of age 21.

We affirm that missionary work is a priesthood duty—and we encourage all young men who are worthy and who are physically able and mentally capable to respond to the call to serve. Many young women also serve, but they are not under the same mandate to serve as are the young men. We assure the young sisters of the Church, however, that they make a valuable contribution as missionaries, and we welcome their service.

We continue to need many more senior couples. As your circumstances allow, as you are eligible for retirement, and as your health permits, I encourage you to make yourselves available for full-time missionary service. Both husband and wife will have a greater joy as they together serve our Father’s children.

It specifically mentions that women are not under the same mandate as priesthood holders to serve missions. I was reassured of what I already knew, but I needed more.  The next few weeks and months I prayed, read my scriptures, counseled with my dad and Heavenly Father frequently, studied my patriarchal blessing, searched www.lds.org and other church resources and attended the temple regularly (I should note that these should be done regularly in any circumstance. I am not perfect, but I do my best).  As I did these things, I came to know with greater confidence that I was doing the right thing.  My faith in my Heavenly Father and his plan for me was strengthened.  I began to see myself answering the call extended by Pres. David O. Mckay in 1959 "Every member a missionary."  My eyes began to be opened.   Doctrine and Covenants 107:99:  "Wherefore, now let every man learn his duty, and to act in the office in which he is appointed, in all diligence." this scripture explained to me that I was to act where I had been appointed, and at that moment that is at home.  For me, staying home is my mission.  I am to learn how to balance my life and work towards submitting and acting in accordance with the Lord's will, while continuing in real life.  So that includes all that I do, work, school, play, church, etc.  I am becoming better at doing things on the Lord's schedule rather than my own so I can serve him most effectively.  Because I do not wear a missionary badge, I can do things that the missionaries can't. I can open doors, that would remain closed to the missionaries if I do not open it first.  For me, staying home and learning is more beneficial. I must continue my life while learning to hear the promptings of the spirit so I can do my homework, or clean my house, or hang with  friends at the right times so I do not miss the opportunities to serve and share the gospel. 
     In the beginning I was frustrated that I could not raise my hand with everyone else, saying that I was a return missionary. Now, I hope that I do not ever raise my hand.  I never want to return from my mission.  I am a member missionary through a call that was given by God and extended to me by his prophet.  I am no more and no less than any other missionary, but I have just as much capability of continuing the work of the Lord. 
     For those who feel forgotten.  It has been over 8 months since the announcement and I am still not dating anyone.  With close friends, when they ask "what are you up to?" I jokingly reply "I am not going on a mission, I am not dating anyone, I am not engaged or married, and there is nothing wrong with me. I am doing my best to do what I know I am supposed to be doing."  We all laugh, but we all know how it is.  If you feel forgotten for any reason at all, whether it is the missionary age change like me or too many siblings or you can't seem to measure up, all you have to do is find know your goal and find your purpose.  That was stated in yesterday's (Exciting Missionary Work Announcements Read what President Monson and others taught about engaging in missionary work at the "Work of Salvation" broadcast on Sunday, June 23. Missionaries on Facebook) world wide broadcast. I was impressed to see that they emphasized the member's role in missionary work.  I was again reassured that I am in the right place, doing the right things.  Maybe I will one day serve a full time mission but right now I am doing what I am supposed to, when I am supposed to, where I am supposed to do it.  It is easy to want to become complacent and be annoyed with the attention that is paid to others, but that will get you nowhere.  Once you find your place and build faith in Heavenly Father's plan for you, you will find that you fit.  Most of all you will find, that you are far from forgotten.