It's up to YOU in the NSSA

     I have had several other experiences and realizations about the amazing power of the NSSA (no sister sits alone club) in the past few weeks.  The greatest of which is that it is up to you.  As I have tried to reach out to those around me, I have seen my limits. The most obvious is that there is only one of me Shocker, I know.  But it is a limitation.  During meetings it is very difficult for me to reach more than one or two people.  If I can, I will find two sister sitting alone, and introduce myself to each, and then introduce them to each other.  But that gets me to maybe four or five sisters. In the beginning, it amazed me, that even after making sure that at least five sisters were not sitting alone, that there were still others sitting alone.  I was not sure what to do, but now I understand.  I must get the word out.  But there's not much else I can do.  The rest is up to you. 
     I've gone into wards not knowing a single person.  When these times happen, when we are the newbie, we often want to think only of ourselves.  We feel that others should be the ones to reach out to us.  We believe that it is their responsibility to ensure that we feel welcome and are happy.  This is the wrong mind set.  This mindset relieves us of any responsibility for our own success within our social settings.  Don't let yourself get caught in this clever trap.
     Being a part of the NSSA is so much more than sitting by those sitting alone when it is convenient.  It's not about convenience, it's about confidence.  It's about knowing who you are and the worth of those you sit by.  It is about opening yourself up. It's about saying hello, and not rushing out before anyone can even say hi. You must welcome friendships, and be willing to not only bear others' but share your own burdens.  Wards were not made for the perfect.  They were made for the broken, the lonely, the sad, the old, the young, the single, the grouchy, and the imperfect.  They were also made for all the positive attributes as well.  We are a mixture, a balance.  We are placed where we are for a reason.  We are part of a recipe that the Lord has made for our lives.  We must know that not only can we bless others lives through helping and serving them and bearing their burdens, but we can also bless lives by not withhold our own burdens.  In sharing those burdens, we open doors that will help us become closer to those we share those trials.  We also give them opportunities to receive blessings from the service they give to us. 
     Being an LDS member in Utah can sometimes feel like an monotonous task.  That it is simply part of the culture.  This is a dangerous trap Satan has set up.  He wants you to feel like a number rather than a member.  Do not fall for it.  Remember that you are wanted and needed.  You must take responsibility and find out what your roles are in your ward and other communities and activities.  Find, learn, and remember that being where you are at this time, and performing the tasks that you are prompted to complete will make your life bigger and more wonderful than you could ever imagine. 

Adventures in the NSSA

Last year in Price, Utah, a speaker at the institute Friday Forum spoke about being a part of the NSSA.  She then explained that this stands for the No Sister Sits Alone club.  Ok, it's not an actual club, but it's about a personal decision that can have an amazing impact on you, and many others lives. It's fairly self  explanatory in the name, but becoming a member of this club has allowed amazing changes to take place in my life.

Starting in a new ward can be an adventure, especially when you're talking about a singles ward.  Singles wards change so much, that there are many that simply slip under the radar.  Some who want to, and others who don't know what else they can do. Coming home to Bountiful when all my friends were either getting married, going on missions, or not in bountiful was a lonely thought.  So, I decided I would become a part of the NSSA. I was a little bit shy when I was younger.  And saying hello to complete strangers, that was sure to see again, whether I wanted to or not, did not seem like the most appealing, but I felt it was what I should do.  I wanted to be that confident, outgoing, and social girl that I knew I was inside.  I also knew that I couldn't expect others to say hello to me, when I couldn't do the same for them. I knew I could do this. The morning of my second Sunday in the new ward, I prayed really hard before I left. All I wanted while I was at church was someone I could sit by.  For whatever reason, both Kellie and I were about 2 minutes late.  As we peered into the chapel looking for seats, I asked if she wanted to sit by me. She said yes, and we headed in together.  She was so nice, and I was happy to have found a friend.  Later that day, I found out that she was just as new as I was.  The best part is, that we had both been praying that morning to find someone to sit by.  I was so glad that the Lord had helped us find each other. 

Since then, I have tried to be more consistent in making sure that no sister sits alone.  It's not just at church that people need a friend.  I have been in school at the U for a month now, and the amount of friends I have been able to make through ensuring no one sits alone, including myself, is amazing!  Many of the girls and guys I have sat by, have not turned into much more than a friendly acquaintance, but for me, often times that has been more than enough.  Sometimes all we need to have a better day, is a friendly face.  Feeling that someone cares, and wants to be your friend, can make all the difference in the world. 

Through becoming a part of the NSSA, I have met people from all different backgrounds, in very different situations.  I have been able to help some, and many have helped me.  It still amazes me at how many blessings can come from a complete stranger.  As I continue throughout my daily life, I realize how much my life is truly a mission.  I am an example for what I believe, and want to give others the opportunity to find happiness.  Life won't last forever. And when I'm in a funk that happens to all missionaries at one point or another,  I simply need to stop,  forget myself and go to work.  Being a part of the NSSA is just one way I can be an everyday missionary.  Receiving the friends and blessings that come from being a part of the NSSA, are just a few other ways that make my life big and wonderful.

Why so Shy?

I not only like the song that is on this video, but it asks a good question and shares a good message. What happened from the time we were happy, confident, beautiful little girls to the time we became camera shy adult women? This self consciousness has almost become a requirement to be accepted in society.  It seems that it is no longer acceptable to be self confident.  This is seen as prideful, and assumptions of character are made.  Compliments are not meant to be accepted, simply returned.  It is the norm when someone compliments something about you, you must then return with something about them.  Is that truly necessary? 

Confidence and self esteem seem almost rare things now.  I have seen confidence portrayed incorrectly in all sorts of media, but worst of all people.  Confidence is no longer a personal knowledge and acceptance of who you are (that simple definition doesn't go deep enough, but I'll get to that later).  Confidence has become the ability to put your own needs above others.  To look down upon others.  To create a barrier between who you are and who they are, seeing yourself as superior.  People must feel secure in their own status and clique, seeing those around them for their status and clique.  This is not just a high school thing. It happens all over beginning in elementaries, to work places, to gangs. I've even seen it in the everyday grocery store.

In the U.S. we do not have a cast system, but it seems that we sometimes place one upon ourselves through our own personal thoughts of what is socially correct and best, or superior. These  attitudes seem to be creating divisions in a country that once stood united.  I do not think we realize the impact that these confidence issues are actually having on us, and those who will come after.  But, how do we stop this?

I don't have the perfect answer to this, but I figure  it must be stopped one person at a time. That first person must be you. I don't expect this confusion between pride and confidence to disappear completely,  but I do hope that those who read this will take a second look at themselves and try to make a difference by portraying confidence correctly. 

Pride and superiority are put on to mask feeling of insecurity.  People often strive for power in hopes of subduing these feelings, but the higher up you go, the further you have to fall.  Pride and power do not seem to get you anywhere.  But here are some simple things that I have found to work for me.

Most of the little things I do, I began doing when I was in high school. I got tired of feeling like makeup made a person beautiful.  I observed that the more makeup a girl seemed to wear, the less real she seemed to be.  It is as Shakespeare states in his play Hamlet  "I have heard of your paintings too, well enough. God has given you one face and you make yourselves another." Girls seem to believe that they are not good enough as them selves, the more makeup they put on, the more they become someone else and lose sight of who they are.  I am not against makeup.  I am against looking like and being a different person with it on everyday.  So, in high school I made up the five minute rule.  It's simple.  Don't look at yourself in the mirror for more than or spend more than five minutes at a time on your makeup.  If more time is truly necessary take a break for about 30 seconds where you cannot look in a mirror.  It's simple, but it's worked for me and the friends that have decided to do it with me throughout the last few years. As I began it was sometimes hard to follow. I found that even on the days I didn't feel super pretty, people still treated me the same. I was beautiful, even if I wasn't perfect.  I was never super heavy with my makeup, so people didn't notice too much of a difference, but I did as I found that I could see the beauty I held instead of the blemishes on my face.  The more time you spend vainly looking in the mirror, the more flaws you will find. The less time you look, the more time you give for your attitude to change and for the real you to shine through.  I do allow more time for special occasions, but on an everyday basis, no more than a few minutes for hair and five minutes for makeup is necessary.  I want the people around me to know the real me.

Another thing I began to do was address the compliment exchange issue.  This is also simple. Sincerely accept compliments.  Until you stop feeling obligated to return the compliment and feel comfortable and sincere in accepting compliments, simply say thank you.  This can be hard. We want to feel and act shy and bashful when given compliments, but a sincere thank you is all that is necessary, and will make the world of difference.  As I did this, not only did the compliments given become more sincere, but also the compliments I gave out were more sincere. I was no longer confronted with shallow compliments from others fishing for a shallow, first thing that pops to mind compliments.  Sincere compliments have the power to change someone's day.  I find the most meaningful compliments are not about image, but about character.  Image is not the most important thing, but it does reflect your character. So do your best to reflect who you hope to be in your image, to allow your character to show through.

The last thing is the most important and seems to have been completely forgotten in society.  Remember who you are.  Society would argue that you should only believe and portray your belief of any sort of God or religion inside houses or places of worship.  This creates a gap in the fluidity of who you are.  You must act on and be what you believe. Know It. Live It. Love It. Forgetting what you believe at the door changes who you are, and allows you to conform to whatever society wants you to be, it makes you forget who you are. Being what you believe is not forcing anyone else to act the same. There is no harm in it.  Separation of church and state was never meant to be restrictive upon what the people are allowed to believe, so don't act like it.  I have seen too many be one thing in seminary, institute or church and another thing outside.  They forget who they are, and their self confidence fails them.

I am LDS.  I believe that everyone, including me, is a son or daughter of God.  They have worth and value.  None is above the other, and all deserve to feel loved.  Knowing that I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father is what gives me the confidence to be who I hope to become where ever I am.  That is what confidence should be. Not only a knowledge and acceptance of who you are as a person but a knowledge and acceptance that you are a son or daughter of God and that you have divine potential.  My testimony of a living Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ is what gives me confidence to keep moving forward.  My church leaders always told me "no amount of makeup and compare to the eyes of a woman that shine with the spirit." As I try to live my life like Jesus Christ lived his, I allow the Holy Ghost to enter into my life, and allow my divine potential to shine through.  As I've said before, I am not perfect, but I am working on it.  Knowing that I have a brother Jesus Christ, who atoned for my sins, gives me the ability to keep learning and moving towards the perfect being that I can one day become through his sacrifice. 

I would urge all you to figure out who you are and stick to it.  Knowing the fullness of the gospel and knowing who I am has brought the complete happiness that cannot be found anywhere else.  Knowing who I am allows me to see all the things that make my life Big and Wonderful.

Frogs go in Coffee Pots or Cups, not Bowls

    So, I do indeed have a frog.  I actually have an African Dwarf Frog. So it's no bigger than a quarter.  I got it when I was in Price, at their International Days fair. Funny thing about it is, I didn't get it because I won the game. I was given the frog because I came back to play the game three times and lost all three times.  You got a frog if you won, or if you lost after three tries at the game and still wanted one.  Losing a game three times does not seem like a lot to get a frog, but I actually had to do some work to lose that game all three times.  To play the game it cost a dollar.  If you tossed a certain amount of the colored balls into the milk jug, you won.  It was harder than you think. Losing the game was definitely not hard to do. The adventure came in finding the three dollars to play the game.  The first dollar was from a friend who noticed that I couldn't take my eyes off the booth, and knew that I must be hoping to win a frog.  The second was from a co-worker that was running his family's scone stand. He was easily convinced by my friend, because apparently my hopes of winning a frog was contagious, so they began to hope with me.  The third dollar was collected in change, mostly pennies and nickels, as several friends that worked with me at the Desert Wave Pool donated and the crowd that hoped I'd finally get my frog grew.  We all knew I'd get it even if I lost this time, but we all secretly hoped I'd actually win this time.  But I lost.  There was no sadness in this loss though, only my new frog named Ducky. Don't ask me how I came up with the name. I'm not even sure how my brain works. I still think it's a cute name. I brought him home, and realized that I had no where to put him outside of his plastic bag.  This brought on a trip to the DI. But there was nothing there. So, the next best ideas was a trip to the store we all know has just about everything, Walmart.  I first looked in the fish isle. But a better, more unique and cheaper idea came into my head.  I wanted to stick my frog in a coffee pot.  I don't drink coffee so I had to go find the replacement pots, and pick one out.  I have had Ducky for a year now, and I still get comments about how cute my idea was. 
   So as you can see, it was quite the process to get Ducky and I to the point we are now. But three dollars, and a coffee pot later we're living happily ever after. And no, he's not my prince charming. No, I haven't tried kissing him. He's not that kind of frog. But even if he was and I did kiss him, I don't know if I'd even like the results. Being a frog doesn't promise much for looks, and having dwarf in the name doesn't give much confidence in height.  We've lived happily ever after, that is until this last week.  Up until last week, I did not know that my frog is somewhat of an escape artist when it comes to climbing out of bowls.  As my brother was kindly cleaning Ducky's coffee pot, he'd placed Ducky in a bowl.  I figured that was fine.  I was so wrong.  The gradual slope of the sides of the bowl had allowed Ducky to climb out of the bowl and across the counter until he reached the sink.  At the very same moment he jumped in the sink, I was rinsing off a plate I'd just used.  None of us had even known he'd gotten out of the bowl.  Miraculously, I was able to scoop him up and place him in a small glass with some water, before he reached the drain. 
      Ducky is not the most amazing pet in the world, but I wanted him so badly because he made my apartment feel more like a home.  He was something to keep me coming home to my apartment. Something to care about.  And he was perfect for that.  He was low maintenance, didn't stink, a lifetime supply of his food cost less than three dollars and he was a great listener.  Before he'd almost gone down the drain, I didn't realize how much I cared for that little frog.  More than once he'd survived me leaving him for a few days with extra food before hand, only hoping he'd make it till I got back.  He was never discovered and forced to be flushed or given away when I had him in my apartments.  He'd survived moving twice.  He wasn't eaten by the other goldfish that were larger than him after the first move.  And now he's survived almost going down the drain with the second move. Somehow he's become a constant in my life that I enjoy counting on.  I know he won't be here forever, but it's nice to have him around while he is.  Little things like washing a plate at the same time Ducky jumps into the sink are small miracles that remind me that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me. He cares about the big and the little in my life. And most of all he's watching out for me... and my frog. 

It's the little things that make my life so big and wonderful.
     

Secret Gardens

      While working in my garden this week, I've had some interesting thoughts.  My garden used to be tended and taken care of by my mother.  She passed away when I was nine, and the garden has never been the same since.  No one in my family has the experience or same priorities as she had to keep it as beautiful as it once was.  I am now twenty so it's been a few years since it was truly kept up.  We do our best, but it seems that no matter what, each year when summer hits, we have our own "Secret Garden" project on our hands.  It is overgrown and in some places completely engulfed by weeds in others.
      Today while working in a section, I found there was some sort of large thorn bush growing throughout and underneath all the other weeds.  In the beginning I hadn't realized just how large it had become.  It was so far underneath and entangled within the other weeds, I couldn't see most of it.  It only cam up far enough to receive enough sunlight.  I would reach in to pull a large section of weeds and feel a sharp thorn in my hand from my poor choice to place my hand in blindly.  I quickly began clearing out the weeds that I could see were safe, and not covered with thorns. I soon found that there were several vines of thorns throughout the entire section that I was trying to weed, and they were firmly planted and attached to wherever its roots were.   
      This vine and its placement got my mind thinking.  For some it is strange, I know I have a somewhat peculiar thought process, but I tend to relate just about everything to the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and my own personal journey to reach exaltation and live with my Father in heaven again.  I began to see the weeds as sin, or more so, the acceptance of evil temptation.  We all have sin in our lives, but some sin is easier to spot and pull out than others.  We sometimes ignore small weeds or sin, because they seem harmless.  It does not seem that they will do much real damage as long as we keep them in our designated area for them.  We'll pull out a little when they seem to get too big, but never the whole thing.  Or we take it out, but allow it to grow back.  But beneath these small sins is a greater danger.  In neglecting to take out small weeds, I allowed a far greater, more painful, and deeply rooted weed to grow.  In keeping our small sins around, we allow more devastating temptations to become more deeply accepted and rooted within us. By the time we see these temptations and sins, they are already a part of us.  There does not seem to be anything out of place.  These temptations and sins happily coexists with our other sins that cloud our site of its evil potential. Weeds overcome the good wanted plants, just as sin, if we allow it, can cloud our vision and choke out the good things in life that we should value. 
     How many of us have secret gardens that we have neglected? We strive to create wonderful gardens full of beautiful flowers or pieces of truth, but neglect a portion, because it's not that bad, or not as bad as so and so, or we're just not ready and can't take that step etc. We know they are there, but choose not to look at them or examine those areas closely, for fear that we might get hurt in the process of removing those unwanted weeds.  Sin, weeds, and Satan all enjoy procrastination and lack of education. 
     As we gaze over our individual gardens, there may be a lot we don't know. Some may even avoid finding out more information, in hopes of avoiding the responsibility.  But things do not work out so well that way.
    As  child, I once saw white flowers growing amongst the other flowers in the garden.  To my untrained eye and lack of experience, these flowers looked quite pretty.  I found myself somewhat disturbed when my mother began pulling them out.  She explained to me that these were morning glory.  A weed that tries to disguise itself as a wanted and pretty flower, but will overtake the entire garden if left to grow.  I am not a skilled gardener like my mother was.  A lot is likely due to lack of time and experience, but I cannot let that hold me back. My mother at least told me the basics. I know what is a weed and what is not and how to keep the garden alive.  I am not yet to the knowledge of keeping it alive to its full potential, but I am working on it. As I strive to learn more about gardening in my yard as well as in my personal life, and continue to pull out those weeds. I will one day look back on my big wonderful life to see a more beautiful garden than I ever imagined. 
    As always, remember that your life is as big and as wonderful as you make it.
  

For Those Who Feel Forgotten

    Today I was scrolling through posts on facebook and as usual about half were about missionaries receiving their calls or leaving to the MTC. Nothing new.  Now days, I find that I average five invitations to different farewells each Sunday.  Since the age change from 19 to 18 for men and from 21 to 19 for women, it has become common for me to see several posts about the excitement of receiving and accepting calls to serve as missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  It also became common to ask "by raise of hand... how many are return missionaries, how many are filling out mission papers or how many have received their mission calls?" during different church functions. 
    Just as everyone else, I was and continue to be excited. I know that this age change was inspired by God.  I am excited to see the progression of the church as there are more than 70,000 missionaries out right now.  But throughout all the excitement about missionaries, there are a few of us that seem to have been forgotten.  This is my story.  For many who do not quite understand the frustrations that come those in my same situation, this may seem a small trial. But just as any other trial, for those of us enduring, the hardest part is that it continues.
    I have always had the desire to be a missionary, keeping in mind that being a mother would be the higher priority, but not rushing the process (for me, and the rest of the world outside of Utah, between ages 19 and 24, you are still super young. I take off the super at age 25. So no need to rush to get married.  Trust in the Lord's timing, it works better that way). When the age change was announced I was so excited. But there had been a feeling that had begun to settle within me a few weeks before the announcement that decided to present itself more clearly with the announcement.  Before the announcement was made, several girls I know felt that they needed to prepare to leave, like they were going to go somewhere else, but they couldn't find out where.  As they struggled to figure things out, and prayed, read, and pondered, when the announcement came it was a clear answer to their prayers.  For me, I had the opposite feeling.  Before the announcement I had begun to have to feeling that I was not going to go on a mission.  I thought it was weird because I figured that I wouldn't need to decide for another few months if I wanted to go when I was 21.  Then the announcement came.  For a brief moment I thought, just maybe I was mistaken. But God was kind and quickly told me in my heart that he had another plan for me, that I would need to begin figuring out. 
     I was confused and honestly a little frustrated for a while.  With the age change, there came new challenges that I did not expect.  Before the change, girls that went on missions were often said to "only going because they couldn't get themselves married" or in other words "there must be something wrong with them" (not that this was said or believed by all, I am simply pointing out the negative comments spoken by some). With the age change I began hearing thing like "there's no reason for girls not to go on missions now," and specifically from immature guys "I am only going to marry a girl who is a return missionary." I felt as though it was becoming a popular trend to go on a mission and worried that girls would be pressure to go for the wrong reasons. I myself felt the pressure, and wasn't sure how to deal with it.  It was no longer an option for some people, it was an expectation.  That is not how things are supposed to be when talking about missions.  The new favorite question was "are you going on a mission?" then I would answer "no." They would then proceed to ask why.  Really was that any of their business? At first I didn't know what to say. But after a few awkward answers, I figured honesty was my best option.  So when they asked why, after I said no, I replied "because God told me no." They would then look surprised, and I would then continue after a slight pause with "He has a different plan for me, and I intend to figure out what it is."  People seemed so confused that I would receive a no, when it seemed everyone else was receiving yeses.  Those who felt comfortable enough to continue the conversation would then follow with "So are you dating anyone?" again the answer was "no." They would then imply or bet that I would be soon, and every time I would wish I could say really? as if I have to be dating someone to not go on a mission. Just because I am not going on a mission does not mean I will or should be getting married within the next few months, six months or even 18 months. I may not even meet my Mr. Right for another few years. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with me if I'm not dating, married, or going on a mission. I simply got a different answer than what everyone else seems to be getting. It doesn't mean mine is wrong.  But I never did. They meant well, but with the emphasis from everyone on missions, it began to seem that I was worthless unless I was going on a mission or getting married.  So the frustration built just enough for me to begin seeking my own answers to my prayers.
      I began by going back a looking at the announcement by President Thomas S. Monson again.

I am pleased to announce that effective immediately all worthy and able young men who have graduated from high school or its equivalent, regardless of where they live, will have the option of being recommended for missionary service beginning at the age of 18, instead of age 19. I am not suggesting that all young men will—or should—serve at this earlier age. Rather, based on individual circumstances as well as upon a determination by priesthood leaders, this option is now available.

As we have prayerfully pondered the age at which young men may begin their missionary service, we have also given consideration to the age at which a young woman might serve. Today I am pleased to announce that able, worthy young women who have the desire to serve may be recommended for missionary service beginning at age 19, instead of age 21.

We affirm that missionary work is a priesthood duty—and we encourage all young men who are worthy and who are physically able and mentally capable to respond to the call to serve. Many young women also serve, but they are not under the same mandate to serve as are the young men. We assure the young sisters of the Church, however, that they make a valuable contribution as missionaries, and we welcome their service.

We continue to need many more senior couples. As your circumstances allow, as you are eligible for retirement, and as your health permits, I encourage you to make yourselves available for full-time missionary service. Both husband and wife will have a greater joy as they together serve our Father’s children.

It specifically mentions that women are not under the same mandate as priesthood holders to serve missions. I was reassured of what I already knew, but I needed more.  The next few weeks and months I prayed, read my scriptures, counseled with my dad and Heavenly Father frequently, studied my patriarchal blessing, searched www.lds.org and other church resources and attended the temple regularly (I should note that these should be done regularly in any circumstance. I am not perfect, but I do my best).  As I did these things, I came to know with greater confidence that I was doing the right thing.  My faith in my Heavenly Father and his plan for me was strengthened.  I began to see myself answering the call extended by Pres. David O. Mckay in 1959 "Every member a missionary."  My eyes began to be opened.   Doctrine and Covenants 107:99:  "Wherefore, now let every man learn his duty, and to act in the office in which he is appointed, in all diligence." this scripture explained to me that I was to act where I had been appointed, and at that moment that is at home.  For me, staying home is my mission.  I am to learn how to balance my life and work towards submitting and acting in accordance with the Lord's will, while continuing in real life.  So that includes all that I do, work, school, play, church, etc.  I am becoming better at doing things on the Lord's schedule rather than my own so I can serve him most effectively.  Because I do not wear a missionary badge, I can do things that the missionaries can't. I can open doors, that would remain closed to the missionaries if I do not open it first.  For me, staying home and learning is more beneficial. I must continue my life while learning to hear the promptings of the spirit so I can do my homework, or clean my house, or hang with  friends at the right times so I do not miss the opportunities to serve and share the gospel. 
     In the beginning I was frustrated that I could not raise my hand with everyone else, saying that I was a return missionary. Now, I hope that I do not ever raise my hand.  I never want to return from my mission.  I am a member missionary through a call that was given by God and extended to me by his prophet.  I am no more and no less than any other missionary, but I have just as much capability of continuing the work of the Lord. 
     For those who feel forgotten.  It has been over 8 months since the announcement and I am still not dating anyone.  With close friends, when they ask "what are you up to?" I jokingly reply "I am not going on a mission, I am not dating anyone, I am not engaged or married, and there is nothing wrong with me. I am doing my best to do what I know I am supposed to be doing."  We all laugh, but we all know how it is.  If you feel forgotten for any reason at all, whether it is the missionary age change like me or too many siblings or you can't seem to measure up, all you have to do is find know your goal and find your purpose.  That was stated in yesterday's (Exciting Missionary Work Announcements Read what President Monson and others taught about engaging in missionary work at the "Work of Salvation" broadcast on Sunday, June 23. Missionaries on Facebook) world wide broadcast. I was impressed to see that they emphasized the member's role in missionary work.  I was again reassured that I am in the right place, doing the right things.  Maybe I will one day serve a full time mission but right now I am doing what I am supposed to, when I am supposed to, where I am supposed to do it.  It is easy to want to become complacent and be annoyed with the attention that is paid to others, but that will get you nowhere.  Once you find your place and build faith in Heavenly Father's plan for you, you will find that you fit.  Most of all you will find, that you are far from forgotten.

Adios

Today, July 14th, is my last day here at OSSO in Cuenca, Ecuador. I had my last shift this morning in OSSO's house for it's youngest children. As I have said goodbye and had my last shifts at the different sites, things have gotten harder and harder. Each goodbye builds upon the previous. I not only say goodbye to the kids I am leaving right then, but also remember and say goodbye to the ones I have already left. Today I said goodbye to over five different houses/orphanages.  This time instead of saying...

And at that very moment the computer shut off and would not turn back on so today July 21 I am finishing this post.  The computer shut off just as I was in the middle talking about saying goodbye. In Ecuador people generally say chao to say goodbye. But for our last goodbye many of us used adios.  To God.  Because that is who we are leaving these children to. Leaving was hard, but being home is almost harder. Chances are I will never see these children again. But the hardest part is I will never truly be able to pay these children back for all the good they taught me.  All I can do is try to take what they have taught me, remember it, and incorporate these lessons into my everyday life.

While in Ecuador I didn't realize how good I had it or how much I really learned. But being home I have seen how much I took for granted while in Ecuador. Being home I miss everything about Ecuador.  I miss hearing spanish. I miss seeing the traditionally dressed women walking down the street. I miss the really good bad drivers. I miss the songs I heard on the radio. Most of all I miss the kids.  Being home everything I see reminds me of little things in Ecuador.  Even things like kitchen clean-up, or the way a person says something.  It's a lot harder coming home than going to Ecuador. The first few days in Ecuador were a little overwhelming, but after the first 3 days I was in love with Cuenca.  I never expected that coming home I would feel that I have come home to a foreign country. I find myself amazed at the complaints people make everyday. I am taken back by how much stuff that I have. I feel I am doing something wrong every time I flush TP down toilet. I can drink out of the faucet. The showers stay warm and had reliable water pressure.  I can't sleep in past 7:30 am. I don't like sitting still. I get bored. I think of my kids. Ecuador was easy. Real life is hard. But without struggle there is no reward. I am ready and excited for new experiences. This was a life changing experience that will stay with me forever.  As life goes on I will do my best to take the simple joys found in Ecuador to make my Big Wonderful Life the best that it can be.

*note names of children &/or houses they stayed in have been changed for the privacy of the children.

My last Friday

It´s hard to explane everything that goes on here. I´m not a big writer. Unless you are here, doing what I do with these amazing kids, then you cannot completely understand the feelings and heartache that goes on.  I wish I could convey all that goes on in words, but I can´t. I am currently looking at my lasts. The last Friday here in Cuenca(today).My last shopping trips. My last talks with my roommates. My last tastes of Tutto Freddo´s unbeatable Limon ice cream. My last days with the kids I love. Here the weeks pass far too quickly and the month I have spent here has felt like a short moment.  Time is not wasted. The time spent in service is savored more than the moments alone.  9 hours a day. 7 days a week. Out the door by 7am, and asleep by 10 pm.  People tell me what I am doing is hard. But for some reason it does not feel that way.  I enjoy waking up for the day ahead of me. I am excited to explore and create with the ones I love.  I get to experience the joys of improvement in the growth of children and all those around me. I become more humble each day, because I recieve so much more than I give back. I am endlessly loved. I will admit that it is easier to do and serve here. All our other decisions are made for us. We don´t need to shop for our food. We don´t need to worry about school. We don´t have outside distractions. So it is easy to become absorbed in the service that we do. But most of the enjoyment and ease come from the kids we work with.

About half of the kids we work with have special needs. For most we are their temporary hands. Here on earth they cannot do what  they need for themselves so it becomes our job to help them. They are so incredibly perfect that they serve us each day by letting us help and serve them.  I was almost suprised by my joy when I found out that one of the little boys I work with, Denny, is getting a feeding tube surgery today. I´m not positive but I believe he is 4 years old. Ever since he was a baby, he has stuggled to swallow anything, and is practically skin and bone.  He cried anytime he had to eat, and would almost always throw half of it up.  But now because of the work of one of my roommates, Abby, and many donations, I am able to see a miracle.

Another child that has had an impact upon my life is Jacob. He and Denny are both at the orphanage we volunteer at in Azogues.  Jacob also struggles to eat. We had hoped to provide Jacob with a feeding tube as well, but one of the doctors said that he does not need one. We are now hoping to put the money raised towards a speech therapist that will help him learn to swallow.  The part of him that has changed me and my outlook is his endless happiness for others.  The first time I met him, I immediately saw his smile, and since then I have seen that he smiles for others more than himself.  Whenever I work at Azogues I always want to see Jacob. Most often he is sitting in a carseat on the floor, watching the other kids play. He smiles when he sees you smiling. He smiles when he hears a child laughing. He smiles because he´s happy that others are happy.  His joy is endless because he is able to find joy all around him no matter the circumstance he is in.  I want to be more like him, because if everyone were more like Jacob, the world would be a much better place. As I look towards my lasts, I hope to remember all the memories made with the amazing kids, and give back as much as I can in these last precious moments with them.

*note that names of the children &/or orphanages have been changed to protect the privacy of the children.

Missing the 4th of July

Somehow, all things American become sooo much better here in Ecuador.  I will miss the 4th of July. I miss the front yard BBQ´s.  I miss green grass that I can play on.  I want fireworks I can see and not just hear. I will enjoy coming back where I can walk by unnoticed. I can´t wait to come back to a ward that sings the hymns the same way I do. Can´t wait for better plumbing, and trustworthy water pressure. I can´t wait to go shopping and get a big jar of PB that´s less than $20. I miss the smiles I saw everyday. But I love the smiles I see here. I love the laughter. I love each day. Every day here is another adventure as I serve the these children and add another page to my big wonderful life.

Less than Two Weeks Left...

I have less than two weeks left here in Cuenca, Ecuador, but more importantly with my kids.  That´s what these children have become. I love them so much. It is hard to think of leaving them so quickly after spending so much time with them. Seeing them progress. These kids do not get a lot of individual interaction without us, so even missing a shift with them makes me worry. Luckily, I have not had to miss even one shift with them yet. Interaction is so important for these kids. At my off site Azogues, the babies are ahead of other babies in other orphanages some areas of developement because they recieve a lot of interaction with the older children. Although it can be chaotic, the interaction is so important. It is hard to see the children in Azogues in poor conditions, but some ways very well off because of them.  The children at any orphanage, although  they may be in a better environment than some, struggle to progress developmentaly if they are not given enough interaction and stimulation.  But even in the few weeks I have been here I have seen the importance of interaction.  Marcia, who wouldn´t even reach for toys, is now playing with toys, sitting up, and rolling over.  Marianna, is talking to me, and trying to play with me. Paco, is now saying other words besides NO. Eddy, is walking short distances by himself! These children have become my life. I see them 9 hours a day. 50 hours a week. I love them soooo much.  All the dirty diapers in the world could not make me regret this trip.  The acts of love are not simply hugs. They are the services given each day. The hardest part is, I feel like I have gotten so much more out of this than the children have. All I can do is start each day with the intent to love these kids for the short amount of time I have left.

*note names of children &/or orphanages have been changed to protect the children's privacy.

What Makes Ecuador an Adventure:

There are many differences here that are hard to explane if you have not experienced them yourself. I try to explane as best I can over a blog, but it´s hard. I am a much better story teller than writer. But after church yesterday, I decided I´d like to try to share some of the little diferences with you.  Church here in Ecuador is great. It´s got the same spirit, but every note, key, and rhythm on each hymn is different. That´s one thing I actually really like, well for now atleast. Right now it just makes me laugh. Another difference is the climate. It is not warm and sunny like it had just started being in utah. It is cold, and rainy. It´s winter here in Cuenca, Ecuador and the coldest month is believed to be July. But it´s kept me from a sun burn... or any tan at all. Next up is the shopping experience. Not only can you not leave the OSSO house without atleast one other person during the day and 3 others at night, but I´m not sure you could classify these places as shops. They are markets mostly with an overwhelming amount of....for lack of a better word, junk. And not just any junk, they all pretty much have the same junk for different prices. The food here is not as different as I thought it would be. Lunch is the main meal here and always includes rice. Nothing is really spicy here, but it´s not very sweet eather. They also have the best bread. I´m almost always drawn strait to the bread containers while lounging around the kitchen.  The absolute best thing though is Tutte Freddo´s. This great ice cream shop that has Limon (lemon) ice cream that I can´t seem to pass up. Last time Shannon and I went shopping, we went there twice. The biggest difference is the language. I came here with almost no spanish experience or study and now I am catching on out of necessity. It no longer sounds like a long stream of gibberish. It just sounds like alot of words I don´t know and maybe one word that I do. Here there is so much structure, there is alot of time. And most the that time is spent focusing on the things that really matter like service, scripture reading, prayer, and personal growth.

There are also alot of similarities here. There are still many who care. There are still those who swear beneath their breath alot. There are still those who burp without saying excuse me. There are still the very select few that smack you on the butt. The previous four traits can be found in one of the workers at Osso's neighbor orphanage, named Betty.  Although she can be strict and somewhat hard to work with at times, she love the kids and shows it through her actions and devotion to them. There are still those who laugh at nothing. Ricardo, one of the little babies wouldn´t drink his bottle last night because any time I looked at him he´d start laughing. Apparently my face was funny, cause I honestly wasn´t even doing anything.  There are still friends who care about you, so much so they become almost a part of your family. There are still those great examples all around. There is still and always will be the love of Christ for each and every individual.

There are many similarities mixed in with many differences, but that is what makes this an adventure in my Big Wonderful Life.

*note names of children &/or orphanages have been changed to protect the privacy of the children.