Why so Shy?

I not only like the song that is on this video, but it asks a good question and shares a good message. What happened from the time we were happy, confident, beautiful little girls to the time we became camera shy adult women? This self consciousness has almost become a requirement to be accepted in society.  It seems that it is no longer acceptable to be self confident.  This is seen as prideful, and assumptions of character are made.  Compliments are not meant to be accepted, simply returned.  It is the norm when someone compliments something about you, you must then return with something about them.  Is that truly necessary? 

Confidence and self esteem seem almost rare things now.  I have seen confidence portrayed incorrectly in all sorts of media, but worst of all people.  Confidence is no longer a personal knowledge and acceptance of who you are (that simple definition doesn't go deep enough, but I'll get to that later).  Confidence has become the ability to put your own needs above others.  To look down upon others.  To create a barrier between who you are and who they are, seeing yourself as superior.  People must feel secure in their own status and clique, seeing those around them for their status and clique.  This is not just a high school thing. It happens all over beginning in elementaries, to work places, to gangs. I've even seen it in the everyday grocery store.

In the U.S. we do not have a cast system, but it seems that we sometimes place one upon ourselves through our own personal thoughts of what is socially correct and best, or superior. These  attitudes seem to be creating divisions in a country that once stood united.  I do not think we realize the impact that these confidence issues are actually having on us, and those who will come after.  But, how do we stop this?

I don't have the perfect answer to this, but I figure  it must be stopped one person at a time. That first person must be you. I don't expect this confusion between pride and confidence to disappear completely,  but I do hope that those who read this will take a second look at themselves and try to make a difference by portraying confidence correctly. 

Pride and superiority are put on to mask feeling of insecurity.  People often strive for power in hopes of subduing these feelings, but the higher up you go, the further you have to fall.  Pride and power do not seem to get you anywhere.  But here are some simple things that I have found to work for me.

Most of the little things I do, I began doing when I was in high school. I got tired of feeling like makeup made a person beautiful.  I observed that the more makeup a girl seemed to wear, the less real she seemed to be.  It is as Shakespeare states in his play Hamlet  "I have heard of your paintings too, well enough. God has given you one face and you make yourselves another." Girls seem to believe that they are not good enough as them selves, the more makeup they put on, the more they become someone else and lose sight of who they are.  I am not against makeup.  I am against looking like and being a different person with it on everyday.  So, in high school I made up the five minute rule.  It's simple.  Don't look at yourself in the mirror for more than or spend more than five minutes at a time on your makeup.  If more time is truly necessary take a break for about 30 seconds where you cannot look in a mirror.  It's simple, but it's worked for me and the friends that have decided to do it with me throughout the last few years. As I began it was sometimes hard to follow. I found that even on the days I didn't feel super pretty, people still treated me the same. I was beautiful, even if I wasn't perfect.  I was never super heavy with my makeup, so people didn't notice too much of a difference, but I did as I found that I could see the beauty I held instead of the blemishes on my face.  The more time you spend vainly looking in the mirror, the more flaws you will find. The less time you look, the more time you give for your attitude to change and for the real you to shine through.  I do allow more time for special occasions, but on an everyday basis, no more than a few minutes for hair and five minutes for makeup is necessary.  I want the people around me to know the real me.

Another thing I began to do was address the compliment exchange issue.  This is also simple. Sincerely accept compliments.  Until you stop feeling obligated to return the compliment and feel comfortable and sincere in accepting compliments, simply say thank you.  This can be hard. We want to feel and act shy and bashful when given compliments, but a sincere thank you is all that is necessary, and will make the world of difference.  As I did this, not only did the compliments given become more sincere, but also the compliments I gave out were more sincere. I was no longer confronted with shallow compliments from others fishing for a shallow, first thing that pops to mind compliments.  Sincere compliments have the power to change someone's day.  I find the most meaningful compliments are not about image, but about character.  Image is not the most important thing, but it does reflect your character. So do your best to reflect who you hope to be in your image, to allow your character to show through.

The last thing is the most important and seems to have been completely forgotten in society.  Remember who you are.  Society would argue that you should only believe and portray your belief of any sort of God or religion inside houses or places of worship.  This creates a gap in the fluidity of who you are.  You must act on and be what you believe. Know It. Live It. Love It. Forgetting what you believe at the door changes who you are, and allows you to conform to whatever society wants you to be, it makes you forget who you are. Being what you believe is not forcing anyone else to act the same. There is no harm in it.  Separation of church and state was never meant to be restrictive upon what the people are allowed to believe, so don't act like it.  I have seen too many be one thing in seminary, institute or church and another thing outside.  They forget who they are, and their self confidence fails them.

I am LDS.  I believe that everyone, including me, is a son or daughter of God.  They have worth and value.  None is above the other, and all deserve to feel loved.  Knowing that I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father is what gives me the confidence to be who I hope to become where ever I am.  That is what confidence should be. Not only a knowledge and acceptance of who you are as a person but a knowledge and acceptance that you are a son or daughter of God and that you have divine potential.  My testimony of a living Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ is what gives me confidence to keep moving forward.  My church leaders always told me "no amount of makeup and compare to the eyes of a woman that shine with the spirit." As I try to live my life like Jesus Christ lived his, I allow the Holy Ghost to enter into my life, and allow my divine potential to shine through.  As I've said before, I am not perfect, but I am working on it.  Knowing that I have a brother Jesus Christ, who atoned for my sins, gives me the ability to keep learning and moving towards the perfect being that I can one day become through his sacrifice. 

I would urge all you to figure out who you are and stick to it.  Knowing the fullness of the gospel and knowing who I am has brought the complete happiness that cannot be found anywhere else.  Knowing who I am allows me to see all the things that make my life Big and Wonderful.

Frogs go in Coffee Pots or Cups, not Bowls

    So, I do indeed have a frog.  I actually have an African Dwarf Frog. So it's no bigger than a quarter.  I got it when I was in Price, at their International Days fair. Funny thing about it is, I didn't get it because I won the game. I was given the frog because I came back to play the game three times and lost all three times.  You got a frog if you won, or if you lost after three tries at the game and still wanted one.  Losing a game three times does not seem like a lot to get a frog, but I actually had to do some work to lose that game all three times.  To play the game it cost a dollar.  If you tossed a certain amount of the colored balls into the milk jug, you won.  It was harder than you think. Losing the game was definitely not hard to do. The adventure came in finding the three dollars to play the game.  The first dollar was from a friend who noticed that I couldn't take my eyes off the booth, and knew that I must be hoping to win a frog.  The second was from a co-worker that was running his family's scone stand. He was easily convinced by my friend, because apparently my hopes of winning a frog was contagious, so they began to hope with me.  The third dollar was collected in change, mostly pennies and nickels, as several friends that worked with me at the Desert Wave Pool donated and the crowd that hoped I'd finally get my frog grew.  We all knew I'd get it even if I lost this time, but we all secretly hoped I'd actually win this time.  But I lost.  There was no sadness in this loss though, only my new frog named Ducky. Don't ask me how I came up with the name. I'm not even sure how my brain works. I still think it's a cute name. I brought him home, and realized that I had no where to put him outside of his plastic bag.  This brought on a trip to the DI. But there was nothing there. So, the next best ideas was a trip to the store we all know has just about everything, Walmart.  I first looked in the fish isle. But a better, more unique and cheaper idea came into my head.  I wanted to stick my frog in a coffee pot.  I don't drink coffee so I had to go find the replacement pots, and pick one out.  I have had Ducky for a year now, and I still get comments about how cute my idea was. 
   So as you can see, it was quite the process to get Ducky and I to the point we are now. But three dollars, and a coffee pot later we're living happily ever after. And no, he's not my prince charming. No, I haven't tried kissing him. He's not that kind of frog. But even if he was and I did kiss him, I don't know if I'd even like the results. Being a frog doesn't promise much for looks, and having dwarf in the name doesn't give much confidence in height.  We've lived happily ever after, that is until this last week.  Up until last week, I did not know that my frog is somewhat of an escape artist when it comes to climbing out of bowls.  As my brother was kindly cleaning Ducky's coffee pot, he'd placed Ducky in a bowl.  I figured that was fine.  I was so wrong.  The gradual slope of the sides of the bowl had allowed Ducky to climb out of the bowl and across the counter until he reached the sink.  At the very same moment he jumped in the sink, I was rinsing off a plate I'd just used.  None of us had even known he'd gotten out of the bowl.  Miraculously, I was able to scoop him up and place him in a small glass with some water, before he reached the drain. 
      Ducky is not the most amazing pet in the world, but I wanted him so badly because he made my apartment feel more like a home.  He was something to keep me coming home to my apartment. Something to care about.  And he was perfect for that.  He was low maintenance, didn't stink, a lifetime supply of his food cost less than three dollars and he was a great listener.  Before he'd almost gone down the drain, I didn't realize how much I cared for that little frog.  More than once he'd survived me leaving him for a few days with extra food before hand, only hoping he'd make it till I got back.  He was never discovered and forced to be flushed or given away when I had him in my apartments.  He'd survived moving twice.  He wasn't eaten by the other goldfish that were larger than him after the first move.  And now he's survived almost going down the drain with the second move. Somehow he's become a constant in my life that I enjoy counting on.  I know he won't be here forever, but it's nice to have him around while he is.  Little things like washing a plate at the same time Ducky jumps into the sink are small miracles that remind me that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me. He cares about the big and the little in my life. And most of all he's watching out for me... and my frog. 

It's the little things that make my life so big and wonderful.
     

Secret Gardens

      While working in my garden this week, I've had some interesting thoughts.  My garden used to be tended and taken care of by my mother.  She passed away when I was nine, and the garden has never been the same since.  No one in my family has the experience or same priorities as she had to keep it as beautiful as it once was.  I am now twenty so it's been a few years since it was truly kept up.  We do our best, but it seems that no matter what, each year when summer hits, we have our own "Secret Garden" project on our hands.  It is overgrown and in some places completely engulfed by weeds in others.
      Today while working in a section, I found there was some sort of large thorn bush growing throughout and underneath all the other weeds.  In the beginning I hadn't realized just how large it had become.  It was so far underneath and entangled within the other weeds, I couldn't see most of it.  It only cam up far enough to receive enough sunlight.  I would reach in to pull a large section of weeds and feel a sharp thorn in my hand from my poor choice to place my hand in blindly.  I quickly began clearing out the weeds that I could see were safe, and not covered with thorns. I soon found that there were several vines of thorns throughout the entire section that I was trying to weed, and they were firmly planted and attached to wherever its roots were.   
      This vine and its placement got my mind thinking.  For some it is strange, I know I have a somewhat peculiar thought process, but I tend to relate just about everything to the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and my own personal journey to reach exaltation and live with my Father in heaven again.  I began to see the weeds as sin, or more so, the acceptance of evil temptation.  We all have sin in our lives, but some sin is easier to spot and pull out than others.  We sometimes ignore small weeds or sin, because they seem harmless.  It does not seem that they will do much real damage as long as we keep them in our designated area for them.  We'll pull out a little when they seem to get too big, but never the whole thing.  Or we take it out, but allow it to grow back.  But beneath these small sins is a greater danger.  In neglecting to take out small weeds, I allowed a far greater, more painful, and deeply rooted weed to grow.  In keeping our small sins around, we allow more devastating temptations to become more deeply accepted and rooted within us. By the time we see these temptations and sins, they are already a part of us.  There does not seem to be anything out of place.  These temptations and sins happily coexists with our other sins that cloud our site of its evil potential. Weeds overcome the good wanted plants, just as sin, if we allow it, can cloud our vision and choke out the good things in life that we should value. 
     How many of us have secret gardens that we have neglected? We strive to create wonderful gardens full of beautiful flowers or pieces of truth, but neglect a portion, because it's not that bad, or not as bad as so and so, or we're just not ready and can't take that step etc. We know they are there, but choose not to look at them or examine those areas closely, for fear that we might get hurt in the process of removing those unwanted weeds.  Sin, weeds, and Satan all enjoy procrastination and lack of education. 
     As we gaze over our individual gardens, there may be a lot we don't know. Some may even avoid finding out more information, in hopes of avoiding the responsibility.  But things do not work out so well that way.
    As  child, I once saw white flowers growing amongst the other flowers in the garden.  To my untrained eye and lack of experience, these flowers looked quite pretty.  I found myself somewhat disturbed when my mother began pulling them out.  She explained to me that these were morning glory.  A weed that tries to disguise itself as a wanted and pretty flower, but will overtake the entire garden if left to grow.  I am not a skilled gardener like my mother was.  A lot is likely due to lack of time and experience, but I cannot let that hold me back. My mother at least told me the basics. I know what is a weed and what is not and how to keep the garden alive.  I am not yet to the knowledge of keeping it alive to its full potential, but I am working on it. As I strive to learn more about gardening in my yard as well as in my personal life, and continue to pull out those weeds. I will one day look back on my big wonderful life to see a more beautiful garden than I ever imagined. 
    As always, remember that your life is as big and as wonderful as you make it.