Why so Shy?

I not only like the song that is on this video, but it asks a good question and shares a good message. What happened from the time we were happy, confident, beautiful little girls to the time we became camera shy adult women? This self consciousness has almost become a requirement to be accepted in society.  It seems that it is no longer acceptable to be self confident.  This is seen as prideful, and assumptions of character are made.  Compliments are not meant to be accepted, simply returned.  It is the norm when someone compliments something about you, you must then return with something about them.  Is that truly necessary? 

Confidence and self esteem seem almost rare things now.  I have seen confidence portrayed incorrectly in all sorts of media, but worst of all people.  Confidence is no longer a personal knowledge and acceptance of who you are (that simple definition doesn't go deep enough, but I'll get to that later).  Confidence has become the ability to put your own needs above others.  To look down upon others.  To create a barrier between who you are and who they are, seeing yourself as superior.  People must feel secure in their own status and clique, seeing those around them for their status and clique.  This is not just a high school thing. It happens all over beginning in elementaries, to work places, to gangs. I've even seen it in the everyday grocery store.

In the U.S. we do not have a cast system, but it seems that we sometimes place one upon ourselves through our own personal thoughts of what is socially correct and best, or superior. These  attitudes seem to be creating divisions in a country that once stood united.  I do not think we realize the impact that these confidence issues are actually having on us, and those who will come after.  But, how do we stop this?

I don't have the perfect answer to this, but I figure  it must be stopped one person at a time. That first person must be you. I don't expect this confusion between pride and confidence to disappear completely,  but I do hope that those who read this will take a second look at themselves and try to make a difference by portraying confidence correctly. 

Pride and superiority are put on to mask feeling of insecurity.  People often strive for power in hopes of subduing these feelings, but the higher up you go, the further you have to fall.  Pride and power do not seem to get you anywhere.  But here are some simple things that I have found to work for me.

Most of the little things I do, I began doing when I was in high school. I got tired of feeling like makeup made a person beautiful.  I observed that the more makeup a girl seemed to wear, the less real she seemed to be.  It is as Shakespeare states in his play Hamlet  "I have heard of your paintings too, well enough. God has given you one face and you make yourselves another." Girls seem to believe that they are not good enough as them selves, the more makeup they put on, the more they become someone else and lose sight of who they are.  I am not against makeup.  I am against looking like and being a different person with it on everyday.  So, in high school I made up the five minute rule.  It's simple.  Don't look at yourself in the mirror for more than or spend more than five minutes at a time on your makeup.  If more time is truly necessary take a break for about 30 seconds where you cannot look in a mirror.  It's simple, but it's worked for me and the friends that have decided to do it with me throughout the last few years. As I began it was sometimes hard to follow. I found that even on the days I didn't feel super pretty, people still treated me the same. I was beautiful, even if I wasn't perfect.  I was never super heavy with my makeup, so people didn't notice too much of a difference, but I did as I found that I could see the beauty I held instead of the blemishes on my face.  The more time you spend vainly looking in the mirror, the more flaws you will find. The less time you look, the more time you give for your attitude to change and for the real you to shine through.  I do allow more time for special occasions, but on an everyday basis, no more than a few minutes for hair and five minutes for makeup is necessary.  I want the people around me to know the real me.

Another thing I began to do was address the compliment exchange issue.  This is also simple. Sincerely accept compliments.  Until you stop feeling obligated to return the compliment and feel comfortable and sincere in accepting compliments, simply say thank you.  This can be hard. We want to feel and act shy and bashful when given compliments, but a sincere thank you is all that is necessary, and will make the world of difference.  As I did this, not only did the compliments given become more sincere, but also the compliments I gave out were more sincere. I was no longer confronted with shallow compliments from others fishing for a shallow, first thing that pops to mind compliments.  Sincere compliments have the power to change someone's day.  I find the most meaningful compliments are not about image, but about character.  Image is not the most important thing, but it does reflect your character. So do your best to reflect who you hope to be in your image, to allow your character to show through.

The last thing is the most important and seems to have been completely forgotten in society.  Remember who you are.  Society would argue that you should only believe and portray your belief of any sort of God or religion inside houses or places of worship.  This creates a gap in the fluidity of who you are.  You must act on and be what you believe. Know It. Live It. Love It. Forgetting what you believe at the door changes who you are, and allows you to conform to whatever society wants you to be, it makes you forget who you are. Being what you believe is not forcing anyone else to act the same. There is no harm in it.  Separation of church and state was never meant to be restrictive upon what the people are allowed to believe, so don't act like it.  I have seen too many be one thing in seminary, institute or church and another thing outside.  They forget who they are, and their self confidence fails them.

I am LDS.  I believe that everyone, including me, is a son or daughter of God.  They have worth and value.  None is above the other, and all deserve to feel loved.  Knowing that I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father is what gives me the confidence to be who I hope to become where ever I am.  That is what confidence should be. Not only a knowledge and acceptance of who you are as a person but a knowledge and acceptance that you are a son or daughter of God and that you have divine potential.  My testimony of a living Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ is what gives me confidence to keep moving forward.  My church leaders always told me "no amount of makeup and compare to the eyes of a woman that shine with the spirit." As I try to live my life like Jesus Christ lived his, I allow the Holy Ghost to enter into my life, and allow my divine potential to shine through.  As I've said before, I am not perfect, but I am working on it.  Knowing that I have a brother Jesus Christ, who atoned for my sins, gives me the ability to keep learning and moving towards the perfect being that I can one day become through his sacrifice. 

I would urge all you to figure out who you are and stick to it.  Knowing the fullness of the gospel and knowing who I am has brought the complete happiness that cannot be found anywhere else.  Knowing who I am allows me to see all the things that make my life Big and Wonderful.